Always Look on the Bright Side of Life 1/?
by Quaxo
Summary: Ahh... Monty Python, and a twisted tale... you won't get at first, but keep going!
1. Default Chapter Title

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life... by Quaxo 

(This is my deranged fic! DerANGed... Set in Harry's 7th year. Watch out for Time Warps! Also, the title comes from Monty Python and the Life of Brian. Not mine.) 

Over the past seven years, History of Magic hadn't gotten even the least bit more interesting to Harry. And now, during his last spring here at Hogwarts, it had become plain embarassing. They'd reached the era of the Dark Lord, You-Know-Who, Lord Voldemort in other words. More specifically the end of his reign, where Harry suddenly became the focus of the history lessons. Well, as of yet, it was his parents. Professor Binns had spent a day lecturing on his mother and father and their relationship during their school years. It was then the Muggle-born wizards and witches, like Lavender Brown and Dean Thomas, began to really look at him with awe. 

He wished it would just stop. He'd defeated Voldemort a few times, who cared? Well... he cared, but he was only doing it because it was his duty. He was able to defeat Voldemort, and therefore he couldn't sit back and watch it all go by and let Voldemort rule! They also forgot Hermoine and Ron in their praises, they helped him a lot too. He swore if he got one more person coming up to him, asking him about what it felt like to be the most powerful wizard in the world, he'd punch them out, and that was very unlike him. 

He didn't like to be reminded of that. He wasn't the hero like in comic books who could just brush off his enemy after he defeated them. Voldemort had effected him in so many ways, the way he thought, the way he acted, that he was always in the very back of his mind nowadays. That partially was because nothing had been heard about him in over a year... not a good sign. 

As the bell rang, Harry threw his books in his bag, and headed towards the Library, reminding himself that he had a charms essay to complete, and a lot of research to be done. Not to mention another essay on himself for History. That was going to be [i]fun[/i], Harry thought sarcastically. 

My god, I'm becoming bitter, he thought to himself. Anymore of that, and he'd be like Professor Snape. He still didn't know much about Professor Snape's attitude towards him, besides the amount that he'd found out during his fourth year. He yearned to know though.... 

That, he reminded himself, was not why he was in the Library, however. He was supposed to be researching for Charms. Sitting down, he opened his textbook and began to read. 

****(Waaaayyy Baaaackkk...) 

He pushed his dark hair out of his face, it was thick and hard to manage. He remembered that they said that his hair might change... but he couldn't remember when it hadn't always been this way. Shrugging, he hauled his trunk to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. 

As he passed through the borders, he saw a pack of wildly dressed children, girls and boys with pounds of glass and wooden beads, and brightly coloured clothing, and belled pants. Ahh... the year 1968 was ending up a good year. He shook his head and loaded his trunk on the train. 

Entering a car he found three boys, one short, fat, with brown hair. A very tall boy with unruly black hair and a beard already starting on his chin, a medium sized, thin brunette boy, and a tall, pretty, firehaired girl, with electric green eyes. 

"Hello." He said softly. "Can I take a seat?" They nodded and he took a seat across from them. The firehaired girl grinned in reply. 

"My name's Lily Schunard, and these three are Sirus Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew." She said. "So what year are you in? I haven't seen you around here." 

"I'm in my seventh year, I was in India until recently, my father was doing research there." he said. 

"India, I've always wanted to go..." Lily said with a smile. "So James, which house do you want to go in?" 

"Gryffindor... I think..." he said, unsure of his answer. A far back part of him cried and begged for Slytherin, but he resisted it. Immediately the faces of the boys, who had been reluctant of his presence, suddenly became for friendly. 

"Whew... those bigoted jerks over to Slytherin don't need another friend..." The burly black haired boy, whom the boy recognized as Sirius, with a scowl. Lily nudged him sharply. 

"They're not ALL like that." She said sharply. "Only a majority..." 

"Yeah, a majority excluding Severus Snape." Remus snickered. "The book hound..." 

"Geez... I thought at least *Someone* would get this right..." Sirius said in a nasal voice. 

"But sir! I got it right!" Remus responded frantically. 

"Besides you Mr. Snape..." Sirius drawled. 

"You're just jealous." Came a voice from the door. He whipped around to see a tall boy, about six inches over six feet, with thick straight black hair and a Roman nose. His black eyes stared at them frigidly. "I just happen to study, rather than worry about Quidditch, unlike some people I know..." He said, a direct snub, before turning and walking away. 

"See what they mean!" Peter squeaked, which was odd for a boy of his age. He rolled his eyes, willingly agreeing that this Snape fellow's attitude probably could get annoying. He was unnerved by Severus frigid attitude, or at least that's what he supposed it was... it was just a feeling... 

"Come on, we'd better throw on our robes." Remus suggested. He grinned. This was going to be a great year, he could just tell... 

****** 

He was running through the darkened halls... they didn't look like Hogwarts at all. That frightened him. All he wanted was to cause a little mischief, and now the man was after him. 

He could not see the man's face, or any distinguishing features except for his clothing blacker than the night that had settled in these halls. Then there was that horrid rasping noise... he couldn't tell where it came from, but as the man neared it got louder. So he ran faster. 

He fell with a crash to the floor, armor clattering behind him. The man was towering over him... then nothing. 

******* 

Chess, a prudish angel of the heavenly gates, stalked the isles full of minature chess games being played out by the mortals below her. She stopped to glare at one. Scowling she kicked it's stand roughly, muttering as she stubbed her toe on the stone pedestal. She absolutely hated cheaters. She got some small satisfaction that it'd set itself back in order. Limping onward she made her way through the games. 

(Okay, the author would like to say that, 'No, I am not crack'. I happen to be high on life! Look for more of this in the future... when all is explained.) 


	2. Default Chapter Title

Always Look On the Bright Side of Life by Quaxo 

I swear to god I'm not on drugs! Really! It's school. This is a weird idea... and probably none of you will like it all that much, now that it's done... but *shrugs* The muse MUST write! 

******* 

Harry slid into the Potions class, five seconds late. 

"Potter!" Professor Snape snapped. "What's your excuse for being absent?" He snarled. 

"I... I had to go to the loo..." Harry said, blushing a deep scarlet. The Professor rolled his eyes. 

"Get in your seat, ten points from Gryffindor." He said sharply. Harry slunk into his seat, right next to his best friend Ron Weasley. Harry couldn't shake this nagging feeling that he was suddenly getting, something wasn't right here... 

"You okay Harry?" Ron asked, concerned about his friend. 

"I don't know... there's something wrong.... something *missing* and I don't know what!" Harry sighed under his breath. 

"Did you remember to put on your underwear?" Ron suggested, while pretending to pay attention to Professor Snape. Harry looked at his friend as if he were nuts. 

"Yes, Ron, I put on my underwear this morning..." He drawled sarcastically. 

"Geez, don't take it personally... there was just this one time that I kept thinking something was missing... I realized in Charms that I forgot my underwear, I just wanted to see if had happened to anyone else..." 

"Sorry... I'm just so frustrated... I don't know what it is!" Harry said, a little louder than he had intended. Snape was glaring at him from the classroom. 

"Would you like to share that with the whole class?" He hissed. 

"No sir!" Harry said quickly, but Blaise Zambini snorted, he'd been sitting next to them the whole time. 

"Potter was saying that he felt something was wrong, and Weasley asked if he remembered his underwear!" Blaise said, shaking with laughter. Soon the Slytherin side of the classroom had burst into laughter. Ron and Harry both blushed hotly and slid lower into their seats. To their morbid horror, Snape was shaking his head as if he were amused, before getting the class back into order. 

They wouldn't live this one down. 

****** 

His eyes, the picture of innocence, cherub-like almost, and also eerie, stared at the glowing white specter before him. 

"Do you understand?" She asked. He nodded slowly. 

"If I stay... the world is doomed, caused by the theif, who stole too early. But as to the answer to your question... I do not know the answer..." He noticed he was talking more and more mystically, just like the being before him. 

"What I am asking you to do is a tough choice to make." The specter replied, trying to be sympathetic. 

"I just don't know... I've never been so unsure about anything... I've never been unsure about anything!" He exclaimed. 

"You say you've never been unsure... are you sure that you've never been unsure, or perhaps you're not sure about anything, although you're sure you are." 

"What?" He asked confused. "Run that by me again." 

"Don't worry, I didn't get it either." The specter replied with a sigh. "What I meant to say is, if you've never been unsure, then you've never made a descision by yourself. Now you've got to make the biggest choice in your life, in anyone's life as a matter of fact. And everything depends on it." She showed him into a room. "I will leave you in here, to think, it is quiet and no one will disturb you." The specter said before shutting the door, and leaving him alone... with his thoughts... which were becoming more and more disturbing by the second... 

In one hand he had his life, with his mother and father, and the destruction of the world as he knew it. In the other hand a new life, completely foriegn to him, and the guarentee of continued safety of that same world. Did he decide based on what he wanted, or on the greater good? And which one was right? He'd never had to think this hard before... 

******* (Let's do the time warp again! {back to 1968!}First you jump to the left...) 

He looked around the common room with confusion as the full moon's glow descended. Sirius and Peter looked edgy. 

"Where's Remus, and why the heck are you so edgy?" He asked finally. He'd been here for seven months, which had passed like a blur, but he found himself with good friends (Sirius, Peter, Lily, and Remus), and on the Quidditch. 

But Remus always had been a little peculiar, he disappeared once a month for a week, and only recently had he noticed. So far he'd been unable to find out where Remus went. And Sirius and Peter were completely silent about it. 

"We're not edgy!" Peter squeaked. 

"Remus has to go see his mom... she's really sick, so Professor Dumbledore let's him spend a week with her every month... hasn't got long to live they say..." Sirius coughed. 

He scowled... they were hiding something, and he was just as good of friends with Remus as they were! He deserved to be let in the secret. He looked around the common room, and saw they were the only ones left. 

"That's bull." He spat. "I'm your friend, I'm not going to rat you out to anybody!" He said with a sigh. Peter and Sirius looked at each other for a second before staring at him. 

"Are you absolutely sure?" Sirius said, near threateningly. "If any of this gets out... I'll... I'll..." Sirius said, getting carried away. Peter slapped his arm. 

"He's our friend, you know that, he wouldn't do that." 

"You're right." Sirius sighed. "Remus is... well a werewolf." Sirius said in a low voice, and was obviously expecting some gasp of suprise, because he looked confused when James shrugged. 

"There were lots of werewolves in India... well, actually they were tigers, but same principal." He said boredly. Peter sighed in relief. 

"Any way, well, me and Sirius... we felt kind of guilty about just abandoning our friend once a month for a week, so we became Animagi..." Peter shrugged. 

This time he looked suprised. "What? You just up and decided to become animagi and voila?" he said with disbelief. 

"Nooo... it took us to our fifth year to get it to work dependably. So now we go down and visit Remus... keep him company, you know that sort of thing..." Sirius shrugged. He looked at the clock. "We'd better go too..." He said to Peter. 

"I wish I could go..." James sighed. Besides the fact that he wanted to keep a best friend happy, the idea of being an animagi thrilled him. As did sneaking out of the school late at night. 

"Well, there is a spell that will make you into your patronus temporarily..." Peter volunteered. "We didn't find it out until last year, and by then it was useless to us. But I suppose it would work..." 

******* 

Harry sighed as he did his essay on himself... hated this. 

******** 

He sighed blissfully as he stared at Lily down the table from him. It was nearly the end of the school year, which meant graduation. He was also despairing about how he hadn't asked her out yet. She was availible, after all. That's what he was planning to do right now... 

If his palms weren't so bloody sweaty. 

But there was nothing he could do about it, he told himself. And summoning up his courage, he walked over to her, where she was chatting with some of her dorm mates. 

"Lily?" He asked nervously. She turned and gave him a dazzling white smile, which nearly blinded him. "Would you... would you go out with me Saturday? To Hogsmeade?" He said rapidly. Lily's grin broadened. She leapt up and hugged him. 

"I was wondering when you'd ask!" She squealed, and the girls behind her sighed romantically. "Of course! Of course!" She said excitedly. 

"Can I pick you up around six?" He asked. 

"It's a date." She said softly, before leaning up and pecking him on the cheek just as the class bell rang. 

He sat through his classes for the rest of that day in a daze, constantly rubbing the spot where Lily's angelic lips had touched him. He kept seeing him and Lily dancing together in a little club... close together... romantic music playing.... 

His dreams were interrupted by someone giving a sharp kick to the back of his chair. 

"Didn't you just hear what Professor McGonagall said? You're supposed to report to Dumbledore's office." Hissed Severus from behind. "Geez... you must be really dense." He said with a sneer. "I expected this sort of thing from Remus, Sirius and Peter... not from someone new like you... guess their influence rubs off..." 

Still thinking of Lily, therefore not even listening to the remarks that Severus, who had been assigned to sit in the back, just one ahead of where Lily was assigned, was saying about his friends, which normally would have led to confrontation. He wandered out of the classroom. 

He approached Dumbledore's office, and knocked politely. 

"Come in!" Came Professor Dumbledore's voice through the wood. The doors swung open and he entered to the mad house of machinery that worked independent of each other. 

"Ah..." Dumbledore said, peering at him through his classes. He grinned. "Congradulations are in order." 

"What sir?" He asked. 

"You're Head Boy, best male student in your class! I just told Miss Schunard, she'll be your Head Girl. You've done marvelous, adjusting to this school, and your teachers are very proud of you." 

He smiled, his cloud nine rising higher in the air. Lily AND the highest honor you can get in Hogwarts, in one day! 

****** 

"Why did you choose me?" He asked the specter, confused. She'd just come back to him, after leaving him for several hours alone in the small room. 

"We chose you because your spirit is a kin to the one we need to replace, so that another may live." He blinked his eyes in shock. 

"What?" He said fiercely. 

"Your kin in spirit, almost exactly the same.... only different." The specter said, maddingly calm. 

He sighed. It made no difference, even if it... he shook his head, it made no difference. Summing up his strenth, he whispered, "I'll go." 

The specter smiled. "I knew you would!" 

"How?" 

"It helps when you can see into the future." She shrugged. 

***** 

"Hey! Weasley! Did you make sure to check if your underwear's still there?" Shouted a voice from down the halls. Ron flushed red, and turned on his heel. Out of the mass of crowds, came an elfin like boy, with pale skin. 

"Shut. Up. Damyco." Ron scowled. Harry sighed, staying behind to make sure that his friend didn't start a fight with the Slytherin. 

"What?" the boy asked innocently. "I wasn't the one whispering during Professor Snape's lectures. If you don't want personal information to come out, then maybe you shouldn't talk about in class." The boy snorted. 

"Yeah! Well at least MY family doesn't live in a little one room shack!" Ron shouted angrily. The boy flushed dark red, his eyes glinting sharply. 

"Well, at least MY family doesn't all sleep in the same bed!" He spat. 

"Hold it right there!" Dean Thomas snapped, and Harry could tell, from his glinting Prefects badge, that he was in authoritorian mode right now. He shoved herself between Ron and the Slytherin. "I'm suprised at the both you! You're both seventh years. Gods... we're only here for a few more months, and then you'll never have to see each other ever again!" He snapped. 

"Fine by me..." Ron scowled. The other boy just stuck out his tongue. 

"Both of you! To classes!" Dean ordered before walking off. The boy sneered, before turning on his heel. 

As Harry walked away, he did a double take at the Slytherin who was walking off in the opposite direction. He could swear he'd seen him before... only now it was different. 

****** 

He graduated with top honors, his diploma in one hand, and the other around Lily's hip. They were married by the end of the year. 

All was right in the world. 

****** 

Harry graduated with top honors, his diploma in one hand, and the other around Ron's shoulder, who had in his arm around Patsy Patil, Pavarti's twin sister, they were married by the end of the year. 

****** 

"I see you still wonder what has happened." A confident specter smirks at you. She has long dark red hair, and vibrant green eyes. She leans back in her chair. 

"I'll introduce myself first. My name is Chess, the angel of fate. I once was mortal... but I do not remember that time." She leans back in, smiling cattishly. 

"But that's not your question, about my mortal life, or me." She gives a small laugh. 

"I do suppose you know of Lord Voldemort, do you not? Of course you do. And I also suppose you do know of his legendary battles with Harry Potter. Naturally! In Harry's seventh year, Voldemort came up with a fiendish plan. He knew he couldn't defeat Harry Potter, not now that he was a seventh year, and an almost fully trained wizard. So he decided to make sure his problem never happened." She shakes here head. 

"He went back in time... far back, into 1962, when Harry's father, James Potter was a second year and waited for a chance to get at him. He did get that chance, late one night, while James was out to cause mischief for the Slytherins... he suddenly found himself in a different world, being chased by a man in the shadows. James did not survive the encounter." She cocks an eyebrow. 

"It was a mess, I mean, the WHOLE game was changed while I was out! There was no Harry Potter, which meant half the wizarding world was destroyed. Voldemort had interferred with the flow of time, and it was my job to set it right. I had to find someone to take James' place in history, as well as the little trivial thing of rewriting the past so I could fit the new James in, fast. So I chose Draco Malfoy..." She stops and smirks at your shocked expression. 

"Yes, young Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter's arch rival. I wanted someone who would actually think before jumping into this situation. Afterall, there's nothing I can do once you're through and in. I also knew... that after he'd thought about it, that he'd do the right thing. Afterall, his father had given him no guidelines to what happens when a strange specter picks you up in the middle of the night, and asks you to save the world by going back in time. That and he had a good spirit, hidden under tonnes of varnish that his father had painted on." 

"That happens to children. They're all good, or at least they want to be. They'd always be like that, if it weren't for adults and the enviroments they put their children in. Some are good, some are bad. Some teach to hate, some teach to love, and some just don't care at all. But that is off-topic. So I sent Draco back, his mind wiped of his former life, and a new life, created by myself, knocking around in his head, changed enough to look like James Potter. Thanks be to God, he got along well, and fit right in." 

"Of course, then I had to remove Draco from the minds of others, which wasn't a picnic. But Harry still needed a rival... so I created Damyco, out of a few spirits waiting to go back, with permission of course, and sent them back to Earth. Don't worry, I assure you, Damyco will experience a sudden change in attitude about a week after Hogwarts, when the role of Draco Malfoy is no longer needed." She fumbles about in her robes and places a bottle of asprin in front of you. 

"And that's how the story ends... although it's not as neat as it should have been... a lot of filler, sort of wooden dialouge, and rushed explanations... but..." She shrugs. "It was a rush job. I'm sorry if your head hurts, it's a lot of information to comprehend. Welcome to the bare bones basics of Quantum Physics." She stands and begins to walk away, leaving you.alone with the bottle of asprin. She stops suddenly and looks over her shoulder at you. 

"Oh... and as for J.K. Rowling? Let's just keep this whole little incident, our little secret... it'd ruin the storyline." 

The End 


End file.
